I feel like ever since the new year, I’ve been on a major writing kick, because I feel that this year, is my year. It’s the year I’m getting it together, and I’ve been seizing every opportunity to write (like lunch hours), and I’ve said no to things that would take away from my writing time.
However, I feel like the more time I dedicate to writing, the more I’ve been really shit at fulfilling the various roles that I hold outside of aspiring to write professionally. Yeah I stuck to my writing deadline two weeks ago, but my husband had to do most of the dishes, I forgot to do the kitty litter the majority of the week, and had to cancel plans with my dad and two friends. At the end of that week, I felt like I had accomplished a lot personally, but I had just a general ick factor about how I had been treating my relationships.
So this past week, I was determined to make it up, to try and make time for people and just basically try to balance a 40 hour work week, working out, cooking meals ahead of time, and making sure to hang out with the people that matter. And you know what happened? I barely got any writing done.
Granted, this past week was a doozy. I lost two lunch hours because we had trainings. I’ve been having a series of terrible nosebleeds and had to call out sick one day, and go get my nose cauterized another. I had a maintenance issue with my landlord over our heater, that required me to assemble a 30 page packet of documentation until 1:30 am on Friday night. I got a haircut. My dad canceled the dinner plans we had made and we rescheduled for a movie today. My boss asked me to work on a special project Thursday that I ended up taking home with me, and worked on that evening. So basically life happened, and it kind of happened all at once, and so my deadline this week got completely blown.
Writing is such a solitary art; I get way more done when I can be left to my own devices than when I have to keep stopping to engage with someone, whether it’s in person or through technology. But I am not an entirely introverted person. I like to be left alone when I’m creating something like a story or a painting; I even kind of like to be left alone when I’m cooking, but that’s because I hate when people talk over the show I’m trying to catch up on while I do it. But I’m not a solitary person; I thrive on friendships and breaking the routine, and genuine human interaction. So part of the struggle for me is finding a balance between finding time every day to write, and finding time to be a good human and be there for the people in my life.
So this week, I’m going to try to go for the balance again; writing a little every day, and allowing myself to make a few plans throughout the week. If I go get sushi with my friend and hairdresser, then I don’t go to a beer tasting that pairs drinks with girl scout cookies – I work on a chapter instead. I also think that it’s important to strive to meet deadlines, but it doesn’t mean I’ve failed if I haven’t kept them, as long as I keep trying. So I’m not going to beat myself up, because I’m only human. I just don’t want to be a shitty one, so I’m going to continue seeking that balance between chasing dreams, and still appreciating the people and things in the present.