I am famished, and the only thing that will satisfy my hunger is a banana. A big, yellow banana with a hint of greenness and absolutely no brown freckles that indicate mushiness. I go into the grocery store with the intent of purchasing such a banana, because that is what I want, and only what I want. When I get to place where the bananas usually are, the shelf is empty. I look around in confusion, but the sign below says that this is where the bananas are kept. I slowly realize that this shitty grocery store is out of bananas.
But I am still hungry. I can’t leave empty handed (or empty stomached), but nothing is as appetizing to me as a banana. There are some tempting looking grapefruits on sale, so I begrudgingly purchase a ruby red on my way out, thinking that this will tide me over.
I start to eat the grapefruit, I enjoy it somewhat, and it does fill me for a little bit – but I still can’t stop thinking about the banana. Because I couldn’t have it, I crave that banana even more than I did before I had the grapefruit. I continue to consume the grapefruit because something is better than nothing, but it’s not what I really want.
Now swap out food, and insert people. The banana is an ex, a person that’s made it clear they want to keep their genitalia covered in your presence and yet you can’t stop hoping they’ll change their mind, or even a hypothetical idea of the person you want to be with. You want the banana to want you, and it doesn’t, so you want it more.
The grapefruit is the person that is accessible to you at the moment, whether is someone you meet in a bar, or on a dating app, or is a friend with whom the option of nakedness has not been entirely ruled out. When we’re talking about food, it seems fucking insane to act like the grapefruit has feelings, like the grapefruit would be hurt knowing it’s only second best, the winner by default until the more desirable bananas are restocked – but for some reason I encounter more people being treated like a grapefruit or some other object whose sole purpose is thought to be to make someone else feel better.
Even worse, I’ve had friends who knew they were grapefruits, and kept making excuse after excuse for the banana chasers. If someone tells you upfront that citrus isn’t their thing, believe them. It’s their way of offering a disclaimer that they don’t intend to really commit to you. If someone is giving you a reason why they don’t want to be with you, believe them. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had friends ask why someone they thought was the moon, sun, stars, and unicorn butt rainbows didn’t love them back or appreciate them.
If you feel like you’re the one giving the all in the relationship, like you are not the golden banana of your partner’s eye, go find your banana. It is detrimental to your spirit, your happiness, and your sanity to feel constantly rejected by the person you want to be with. I get the struggle and the urge to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn’t want it initially, the satisfaction in thinking that you can convince them that they do want to be with you, that you are worth their affection.
But if you’re not what they wanted, you’re not going to really have them as a partner in a relationship. If you’re settling in how you’re treated now in the hopes that you’ll get treated better – it won’t get better. It just enables someone to treat you like grapefruit – you’ll do for now, but you’re disposable.
For you banana chasers biding your time with a grapefruit – regardless of whether it is a specific person or the idea of a person, if you are settling for someone that you don’t really want to be with, but you don’t want to be alone – you’re being an asshole. Be careful who you treat like a second-rate fruit, because one day a person might think you’re a grapefruit too.